Estate

Oranges were unknown in Gaul for a thousand years. Stories of the fruit’s sweetness and thread-like delicacy were first spoken from the lips of farmers coming back to Paris and the lowlands after the crusades, ordinary plowmen-turned-soldiers returning to their farms, scrawny from hunger, their faces dusty with powdered blood. They described the miraculous reviving power of a beautiful, perfectly dimpled, sun-bright fruit, plucked from city boughs on the streets of Jerusalem.

After the more liberal trading of the Valois dynasty (the 15th century), oranges were bartered across Iberia and presented as balmy gifts to the French court. The Sun King—Louis XIV himself—grew particularly enamored. This sugared flesh, he wrote to his minister of trade, this pungently burned, acidic scent, it is medicine to me. He liked devouring one in twenty seconds, whole, in lieu of a post-supper flambé, firm in his newfound belief that the hide and seeds aided good digestion. When stocks ran low, he ordered his naval officers to scour the Mediterranean coasts for trees he might uproot, buds he might steal. He required the kitchen staff to build pyramids on tables for breakfast. He pressed juice from a pestle and called it sang de dieu. Even the dyed color of the sun famously emblazoned on Louis’s personal standards changed from a Vulcan red to a warmer, genteel orange lumière. Then suddenly, halfway through his reign, Louis began planning an orange grove that might serve to anchor his father’s neglected, half-finished estate in the countryside, roughly fifteen miles from Paris, beside the village parish of Versailles. My new grove, he told Queen Maria, shall be a prayer to posterity. He envisioned the place as a national sanctuary, open to ordinary Gallic folk, Frenchmen who shared his sentimental streak.

The first wobbly saplings he tended himself, standing nude in the royal baths and gardening in tubs of soap-gray water, using barber’s shears to clip withering or brown leaves, which fell to the foam and floated between his knees. When the country estate was nearing completion Louis personally transferred his saplings to the country, handing them to Mansart, his garden architect (calling them mon heritage). Château de Versailles grew up around the orange trees, in a manner of speaking.

Louis often swore he smelled them upon waking, the back rim of his tongue slavering. When seated on the throne and dressed for official business, he often gazed into his empty hands and felt an imaginary heft “like a young breast.” He invented an outdoor game with several of his mistresses, seeing who could toss an orange highest into a cracked blue sky, the color contrast producing an almost religious ecstasy, which led to the second half of this game, devouring oranges by the segment during sexual play. Indeed, ripening oranges created a rather exuberant frisson in his majesty. On nature walks in his young grove he enjoyed nothing more than to hike his breeches and mount the first strong bough he could find, squeezing it between his thighs and inhaling the sweetness layering the air. His beloved oranges would perfume the years Louis suspected he had left upon this earth—such was the point. The trees would write his signature upon the land, and persist in growing long after he passed away.

He was half-right. Even as late as 1920, eight of the Sun King’s original, personally planted trees still enjoyed robust health. Eight that had been pampered as saplings in those royal tubs, eight sunk into the loose French soil by Mansart who knew a thing or two about longevity in fruit planting. Eight to signify an eternally youthful, ever-replenishing balance of the robust Gallic monarchy. Eight that grew to deep yield and flowering shade by the time Louis XIV, at the curtain of his 72-year reign, laid his aged body upon tissue-thin sheets of Giza cotton and breathed his last. Eight trees: seven more than the number of his grandchildren who survived the Terror.

Daily Affirmations

In the spring of 1975, a stucco storefront opened in Clearwater, Florida. Locals had noticed a new kind of arcade-style commercial property realtors had taken to calling a “strip” shopping mall, with units sunk into the same concrete mold in the style of a gallery. A tax services company sat on one side and a bail-bondsman on the other. Between them a sign was hung bearing the words UNITED CHURCHES OF FLORIDA.

There was no legitimate company by that name, and no such confederation. The name had been chosen by the storefront’s owner especially for its blandness, as he had private affairs to conduct. Who, he told his companions, would bother knocking on that door?

On paper, the founder of United Churches of Florida was a pulp science-fiction writer and former Army brat from Tilden, Nebraska named Lafayette Ronald Hubbard. For the past twelve years he had been circumnavigating the globe on a sixty-foot pleasure vessel he’d christened the Apollo, fleeing multiple charges of tax evasion. He’d been expelled from over twenty seaports along with a sizable cabal, loyal adherents of a program of behavioral philosophy Hubbard created some years ago, during a period of intense novel-writing—he’d previously specialized in three-page stories set on distant planets—and which Hubbard had christened Scientology.

Unbeknownst to his various disciples, who considered Hubbard an authentic, possibly alien genius, the CIA had begun tracking the Apollo after hearing a bizarre tip on ship-to-ship radio traffic that Hubbard was serving as a clandestine agent. More than this, said the anonymous report, he had been part of the agency’s most important employ, a high-level black-operations officer with top clearance, having started his service during the dark, early years of the agency, in the tumult following World War II.

Hubbard had indeed served in the U.S. Navy, that much was clear, for naval records reflected his service, but that was all. The agency had uncovered evidence of someone having attempted to falsify his service records by pumping them up to reflect a more battle-scarred experience. This lone detail raised a flag, for it was a typical black-operations cover. Another flag: no one at the agency from those years had been able to either confirm or disprove Hubbard’s service. Not a single agent recalled ever working with, speaking to, or meeting him face to face. And Hubbard was, to put it mildly, memorable: a wheezing, wispily-red-haired, alopecia-stricken, halitosis-and-dandruff-suffering, balding toad of a pale white male with a trick back and a twitchy, giggling manner, along with a mouth of rotten teeth and a dismaying sex addiction made all doubly desperate by his conviction that women found him repellent. Such a persona caused agency personnel to speculate Hubbard’s identity had to be an elaborate cover, he had to have worked black-ops, by God, he just had to be one of the anonymous legends. He was put under surveillance by active maritime agents. After eight weeks of research and infiltration, they unveiled a much simpler story, and the CIA dropped pursuit. The inter-agency report, shared with European Interpol as well as the FBI, concluded:

[Hubbard] is a shrewd businessman who has parlayed ‘religion’ into a multi-million-dollar business by taking advantage of that portion of society prone to fall for such gimmicks

Enfeebled in body by his late sixties, Hubbard was also powerfully homesick; he longed to spend his autumn years living in a cabin in the Rocky Mountains. Lawyers found an opening: if “Scientology” could establish a branch not in Colorado but in Florida, a state known for its lax laws concerning the legitimacy of any such enterprises, its leader would be permitted entry as a type of diplomat, a credentialed representative of that religion’s overseas mission, no matter how many taxes he had personally evaded. Scientology moved in and established a beachhead in the Clearwater strip mall.

It was all for naught; Hubbard was dying.

With new converts coming onto the Apollo every week to wish the prophet well, Hubbard could no longer hide in his quarters, claiming that he could only receive visions when completely left alone, recording the holy scripture of those alien forefathers who had chosen him as their vessel. His physical decline was obvious, and yet a majority of his followers were convinced the man was immortal. Confused, they argued among themselves, claiming his poor health was not merely evidence of a martyr-like devotion to the faith but could also embody Docetism (the belief that the messiah appeared in a sickly form on earth, while a true immortal form thrived in outer space). A few disillusioned followers decided that Hubbard’s physical deterioration flatly contradicted his many bizarre health claims, which he had been trying to sell for more years than he’d been writing science fiction—for example, that bouts of intense monastic concentration could defeat shingles. On his deathbed, everyone noticed, Hubbard was covered in shingles.

L. Ron Hubbard died of organ failure in the winter of 1986, aged seventy-four. Personal effects in his private safe amounted to over three thousand legal pads obsessively scribbled over, a life’s work dating back to his time as a college student and up through the years riding a desk and pushing pencils for the U.S. Navy, onto his early drafts as a deadline writer, his failed salesman gigs, his failed marriages. Strangely, to those who found the journals, no alien visits were recorded. There was no religious talk, no outer space visions, no fantasy. The jottings were normal if not eye-crossingly dull. Pages overflowed with fragments of daily observations, descriptions of weather and lunches, benefactor names he told himself to remember, mathematical computations of monthly budgets, some grocery lists, novel and story ideas, but mostly, thousands of one-line self-affirmations. On every single page, at least two or three personal asides and exhortations had been jotted down: they were Hubbard’s notes to persist, to endure, and to believe. Scientology’s creator composed his own destiny this way, envisioning if not willing success, secure in the privacy of his own modest hopes.

You are not repellent to women.
Your back is fine.
You do not need to invent fictions to impress people.

His Way

Near the end of 2019, two former Iraqi archaeologists were killed by mortar shelling in the suburb of Babylon, having joined ISIS in the wake of the most recent civil war that erupted between Shia sects in a turbulent area south of the capital, some fifteen years after the American invasion and the fall of Saddam Hussein. Their journey to martyrdom had begun that first year, in fact, on a certain afternoon when a forty-foot statue of Saddam was toppled and yanked from its base in Firdos Square, Baghdad.

On April 9, 2003, the Americans had reached the capital city at last. Iraqis were discovering that the fearsome dictator had fled, Baathists were being rounded up and jailed, and the streets were rejoicing.

George W. Bush, the American president himself, magically appeared on television screens within that same hour—his smiling face broadcast in cafés, car garages, shopping malls—with a message meant to reassure Iraqis of his personal respect and admiration for them, and how he knew in his heart that Iraqis were a good and gifted and peaceful people, for theirs was a country with a long dignified history. The nightmare of Saddam, he said, will soon be over.

During the roughly four minutes it took to broadcast Bush’s recorded message, the National Museum in Baghdad was looted by a mob. Papyrus leaves featuring the first-ever recorded writing, jewelry from Cyrus the Great, Sasanian arabesques, and over 11,000 cylinder seals of long-gone empires all vanished into the gray and black markets, never to be seen again. Dozens of Iraqi archaeologists fearful of such an eventuality had, just prior to invasion, provided coordinates of the National Museum to coalition forces, along with several dozen other Iraqi cultural landmarks for protection, though only the Central Bank in Baghdad wound up securely safeguarded.

Relic-looting continued throughout museums, civic buildings, and residences across the country for several months. Archeologists could see, in real time, actual theft of priceless antiquities through the very same cameras filming American Marines bringing freedom to Iraqis, and then standing by while dazed citizens were interviewed about what freedom meant to them. Yet another irreplaceable relic would be captured, on camera, hoisted on a looter’s back and hauled over the remains of a house in rubble, a smashed window, a blasted door. One archaeologist wept while telling the BBC that what they were witnessing could only be comparable to the Mongol invasion of Baghdad in 1258.

Back on April 9, an American corporal serving with the 4th Marines named Edward Chin found himself at the base of a statue of Saddam Hussein. It was an accident of timing: he happened to be picking his nose at the statue’s base waiting for orders when his higher-ups excitedly said that Fox News cameras had made it to the square, and certain Iraqi men in the crowd, along with Chin’s fellow Marines, had struck up a conversation about the historical import of the scene they knew would soon unfold. The statue was coming down. Simply due to Chin’s location, the crowd began egging him on. Using a rope, he climbed the statue. “Giving insult” man to man, as a cultural tradition, held an almost otherworldly power for Iraqis, or so Chin had discovered during his time in country. After scaling up to Saddam’s enormous face he did not know exactly what to do, but he pulled from his gear an American flag. Gleefully, Chin unfurled it, flapping across Hussein’s face.

All cheering stopped.

Chin later told an interviewer on Good Morning America that he’d been “sort of surprised” by the silence. He walked among stunned locals in his battle gear, gamely trying to smile, giving thumbs-up to scared and confused passers-by, assuring those who frowned at him that he only meant to insult Saddam, only Saddam and not regular Iraqis, and he apologized if that was the case. Anyway it wasn’t up there very long. For hours he continued to explain himself. He meant no harm.  He was a passionate patriotic guy like President Bush, remember Bush, on the TV? Saying he personally admired Iraqis? That was just his way, Chin’s way, of taking part in history.

Saddam Hussein’s way had been to study and copy Joseph Stalin’s grip on the imagination and iconography of an entire people. Ever since capturing the presidency in 1979, Saddam had issued thousands of orders for the construction of his own likeness wherever he could, swapping ancient faces with his own face, replacing famous scenes of Saladin, Nebuchadnezzar, and even Mohammed with scenes featuring Saddam. At the start of the invasion, when Saddam’s Republican Palace had been overrun by American troops, the commander waited several hours for news cameras to show up so that an enormous Saddam statue, the one that gazed upon the murderous comings and goings of his Baathist regime, might be destroyed for good by a rocket-propelled grenade. A wrought-iron Saddam in Basra was pulled down by British troops, and then one in Karbala, twice as large. None were captured as vividly for posterity as the forty-foot Saddam in Firdos Square that, prior to toppling, had momentarily been “defaced” by the American stars and stripes. Indeed, jihadists of the first insurgency against occupation forces took to trading photographs between themselves of the Firdos Square desecration, pictures showing a hapless grinning Marine on top of Saddam and spreading that odious flag, another testament to American arrogance.

A pair of archaeologists from the University of Baghdad (Daoud al-Maliki and Taha Maruf) observed the desecration of Saddam firsthand. Cameras found them in the crowd weeping, but not from happiness; they explained themselves. Each man had felt profoundly distressed in his soul by something only archaeologists would understand, for while these men loathed and hated Saddam, they loathed the poison of propaganda more. Propaganda obliterated truth and history like a bomb. What they were witnessing was the erasure and substitution of lived history, of Iraqi memories ceding to some nonsensical official story, and time itself becoming meaningless.

In the end, among the over-170,000 pieces looted from the museum in Baghdad was a pristinely preserved marble head depicting the Roman god Apollo, an unusual relic, to be sure, a copy of an original made in Greece and brought to Babylon in 323 by the conqueror Alexander the Great, who kept Apollo’s head in his one of his golden tents to watch over him as he slept. Allegedly, the pilfered head was at Alexander’s bedside when he took ill and died—not more than twenty feet from the actual spot where Saddam Hussein would build his last residence, a winter palace, a few millennia later, and where the head of Apollo ended up stashed for a time. Saddam rarely visited that residence; something about the particular location made him uneasy. It had been cursed by a primeval spirit, he believed, haunted by puckish jinni that clung to the grounds with an animal rage, as if something had upset them in the past and Saddam could not find out what it was. One weekend, in a fit of pique, the dictator ordered all historical artworks out of the house and donated to the National Museum. A single work of art remained, a ceiling mural in the great room.

It was that same room where the bodies of the two Iraqi archaeologists were found, the men having long ago grown out their beards and taken up Russian AK rifles to fight for a caliphate dream. They died in a gunfire exchange with al-Sadr rebels who briefly controlled the region from 2018 to 2019. Maruf and al-Maliki were good fighters, but known for taking off for days at a time to seek out worthless objects in the rubble—an official seal of the old Baathist regime, a Swiss fountain pen once owned by Saddam’s eldest child Uday—anything of the lost, frantic, disjointed past they felt had to be kept in mind and saved for posterity once the fighting stopped, once a caliphate was triumphant, and true Muslims again ruled the Levant. Each man carried a bulging knapsack at all times, stuffed with whatever pieces had been scavenged after gun battles. Both sacks, like everything else in the area, had vanished.

To this day, Saddam’s winter palace remains abandoned. The outer walls dotted by mortar and rifle-fire, the inner walls festooned with graffiti in both English and Arabic saying FUCK YOU SADDAM and INFIDELS ROT IN HELL, the structure is a monument to entropy, every door pried off, every shard of window-glass stolen, all the French chandeliers stripped for parts and the Persian rugs shredded to tatters. High enough to discourage any other desecration but gunfire, the ceiling-mural of Saddam’s great hall has been left intact, some thirty feet by forty feet depicting a panoramic history of Mesopotamia, date palms and dunes, crescents and towers, Sunni and Shia, and the former three-starred flag of Iraq, flying mutely and innocently at the center.

Between This Life and the Next

The last words of the Portuguese writer Fernando Pessoa remain a subject of debate among literary historians and biographers. It is an irony that Pessoa himself would have loved to exploit, for throughout his years as a writer and journalist he exhaustively deployed alter-egos, his famous “heteronyms” that permitted the author to play upon the subject of personhood itself. As the godlike creator of between 80 and 140 imaginary selves, Pessoa had already killed half of them, in one way or another, savoring their deaths and somber obituaries and competing “final words” for years—before that fateful winter of 1935, when Pessoa (the real one) was rushed to a Lisbon hospital complaining of high fever and stomach pains.

It turned out only one of his selves would die this way, in some rickety public hospital, of pancreatitis and a diseased liver. Only one would write, with an unsteady hand, the last line of his journal: I do not know what tomorrow will bring. Pessoa knew he might be nearing the end, but then again, what if? On his deathbed, he distracted himself with various fantasies of his remaining alter egos and their infinitely interesting, unwritten fates, the selves he hadn’t killed yet and who would in theory live forever, untouched by death or disease, and forever enraged about the state of the world.

As a reader Pessoa was a connoisseur of historical quirk, the bizarre telling gesture that often emerged from the murk of the past. He spent his last day in bed reading. A footnote in Voltaire caught his eye. Voltaire mentioned in passing how the concept of happiness, in the original marketplace Greek, might best be translated as “led onward by a devil or demon-spirit.” Oh!, thought Pessoa, laughing with micro-convulsions of delight, Oh god, yes, absolutely perfect. In this unexpected thrill of creative energy his fever briefly abated, his eyesight seemed to sharpen, his thoughts cleared like a country road after a morning rain, and he felt something like a groundswell—one more heteronym left to write, perhaps, the story of a wealthy lisboeta who believes he has lived a good life but who winds up in hell. A comedy, naturally. Pessoa blinked at the open page of Voltaire. He needed something to write with. He turned to a nurse standing guard by the window. She had clearly been posted there to help the writer with his night-time inspirations. It was not, in fact, a nurse but a hat-stand. The nurse did not move, nor respond to his inquiries. He tried again, though the effort to raise his voice was painful. Madame, said Pessoa, coughing, trying to sit up, if you please, Madame. Hand me my glasses. Pessoa was still wearing his glasses; he meant to say pen. And then he died.